Coma
by KatieHL
Summary: Jack goes through the emotional wringer when a childhood trauma comes back to haunt Sam.


~ Coma ~

****

By KatieHL - secret8979@yahoo.com

Category: Drama, Angst, Romance (S/J; bit of D/J)

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Nothing that I'm aware of.

Archive: Oh, if you insist :) - Fanfiction.Net, SJRA & Heliopolis. Elsewhere just let me know.

Summary: Jack goes through the emotional wringer when a childhood trauma comes back to haunt Sam.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Author's Notes: My extreme gratitude to Annie who beta'd this for me at break neck speed because I was so anxious to get it posted. This is my first full-length SG fic to be posted and I'm proud of it. You guys, however, may do with it what you wish whether you make paper planes out of it, use it for toilet paper, or, God forbid!, actually read it. :) Enjoy!

~~~~~~

PART 1

~~~~~~

Major Sam Carter glared at the ground trying to discover what had caused her to trip. Something near the Stargate event horizon, but she was unable to see what. Shaking her head in dismissal she stepped forward to the small Field Remote Expeditionary Device by the Gate which had all their supplies. She let out an involuntary scream as she was thrown backwards, tumbling onto her tailbone with a graceless thud.

"Carter?" Jack O'Neill, her commanding officer, was at her side in seconds but she waved him away before he could touch her, aware that it might be dangerous. It took a second before she spoke, somewhat shakily.

"F.R.E.D. just gave me an electric shock, Sir."

"Electric shock? You flew back so fast I thought you were hit by lightening! Are you okay?"

"Yes, Sir. Just stunned me a bit." Sam frowned, wondering what could have caused the equipment to emit such a high-voltage surge.

"Maybe we should go back and get Janet to have a look at you, Sam. That wasn't from dragging your feet along carpet." Daniel Jackson, the civilian archaeologist of the team, looked worriedly at his friend.

"No, no, I'm fine. It went right through me. I'm still in one piece, albeit a little fried." She grinned her reassurance.

"Just take it easy for a minute, Major," O'Neill placed a restraining hand on her shoulder to prevent her from getting to her feet. 

Several minutes later, when O'Neill had assured himself that his 2IC was really okay, he issued orders for each of the team member's specific tasks on this mission. While Teal'c and Daniel were to study a nearby stone monument and Carter was to gather geological samples, Jack would content himself with doing a bit of scouting and generally keeping an eye out for any problems.

'Vega' as Daniel had already taken to calling this scorched and barren piece of rock was essentially desert for as far as the eye could see aside from a small, surprisingly flourishing oasis several hundred metres from the Gate. Not the most exciting planet they had gated to, but exploration was required none-the-less, which was why they were here. 

Ordinarily such a mundane mission would be assigned to SG-2 or 9, but for some unknown reason General Hammond had laid it on them, and now they were roasting like chickens in a rotisserie under the hot sun. O'Neill squinted through his sunglasses at his watch and suppressed a sigh. Three hours to go...

-*-*-*-*-

They had been at work for about forty minutes when Sam wiped her sweaty brow with the back of her hand. She was feeling decidedly shivery in spite of how hot she was and there was a faint buzzing in her head. Jack, meanwhile, watched as she downed almost a half-canteen of water. She had been drinking almost non-stop since they'd gotten here and he wondered at her seemingly unquenchable thirst despite the heat. He was just about to tell her to take a break under the single tree of the oasis when he heard a noise.

The familiar grinding of the turning inner circle of the Gate sent SG-1 into instant defensive positions. They definitely weren't expecting company. A wormhole whooshed into existence before settling into a shimmering event horizon. Seconds later an entourage of at least ten figures stepped through. The overhead sun shone from directly behind them, silhouetting their figures and preventing any form of recognition.

From her position to the side Carter gasped as the group moved forward. They hadn't noticed the four Tau'ri thus far but she had her eyes riveted to the small person in the middle as she slowly came into focus. A young girl with waist length auburn hair stood with her outstretched arms held by two creatures on either side, the likes of which she had never seen before. They towered well over six feet, their bodies covered from head to toe in a thick, coarse fur. 

The girl issued a soft command in a foreign tongue and they let go, but remained standing very close to her side. A kaleidoscope of images flashed tauntingly through Sam's mind. A bitter taste of resentment forced her to her feet and in sudden anger she sprinted towards the group shouting obscenities. It took O'Neill less than three seconds to snap from his frozen surprise and give chase, catching her by the arm. He whirled her round and shook her as she tried to break away.

"Carter! What the Hell do you think you're doing?"

"Let me go! They're not going to take her! You bastards, let her go, I won't let you kill her! Laurie!...Laurie!" With a vicious punch to her superior's ribs she was able to break from his grasp as he doubled over. She headed for the girl again.

Daniel watched in horror and confusion as Sam attacked Jack before running towards the strangers yelling like a mad woman. On top of the stone steps the girl's eyes widened in fright and she beckoned wildly for her attendants to huddle round her while one of them dialled an address on the DHD. Sam lunged for the steps as they stepped through the event horizon and it evaporated before her eyes.

-*-*-*-*-

"Wait! Carter!" O'Neill caught her shoulder as Carter started to ascend the steps. She turned on him and shoved with all the force of her body weight and he staggered backwards in surprise nearly losing his balance. He regained his footing and stepped forward to calm her down but she pummelled him with her fists furiously. "You bastard!" she spat at him. Her skin was pale but slicked with beads of perspiration, and her eyes looked feverishly insane. The way she was staring it felt like she didn't even recognise him.

"Major, stop it!"

"This is all your fault! If she dies I'll kill you!"

"Carter! ... Sam! Stop it ... what the Hell's the matter with you..."

She broke down into tears. "Let me go!" she wailed as he made to embrace her. The struggle was brief before she relented and sobbed into his chest. He had walked them several yards back towards their team-mates when she spoke again.

"No! I can't ... I need to ... I need to find her!" She pulled away from him violently, stumbling backwards in her haste. She turned and ran towards the Stargate. Launching herself at the DHD and in a frightened panic she began to dial the address she had seen the aliens escape to. The wormhole opened with a tremendous whoosh and as it stabilised she dived for it. Jack, right behind her, grabbed her pack and yanked her away with a force that sent them both tumbling back down the stairs. 

Sam groaned and as she made to get up Jack threw himself at her and rolled them both over so that she was firmly beneath him. She struggled and bucked in rage trying to dislodge him but he kept her pinned down.

"Carter!"

"Get off me!"

"Carter! Knock it off! Right now!"

"No! Let me go!" She pleaded.

"Carter! ... Sam, please, you know I can't let you through there, you don't know who they are, where they've gone to or what they're capable of. You're not going anywhere."

"I don't care! She needs me!" She cried, but her struggles gradually ceased. Daniel had meanwhile caught up and disengaged the wormhole. Teal'c stood above the two military personnel sprawled on the ground. 

"It would be best to return to Stargate Command immediately, O'Neill. I believe Major Carter must have medical personnel attend to her as soon as possible." Jack said nothing as he placed his hands on the ground either side of Sam's shoulders, and pushed his weight back off her. Standing slowly his heart wrenched at the site of her still on the ground, now on her side curved in a foetal position and crying miserably. She didn't protest when he leaned back down and lifted her into his arms, but instead curled her head against his chest. 

"Daniel, dial us home." Jack said gruffly and the anthropologist immediately stepped forward to do his bidding.

~~~~~~

PART 2

~~~~~~

"Incoming traveller...It's SG-1, Sir." The Lieutenant said to General Hammond in surprise. 

"What the ... they aren't supposed to be back for another two hours." As a precaution he sounded an order for an EMT and several soldiers to be standing by. The General counted only three bodies that came through the Gate before seeing Major Carter nestled into her commanding officer's arms. 

"I need a medical team, now!" yelled the Colonel and a gurney was immediately brought forward so that he could place the Major on it. Hammond stepped before him, the worry evident on his face. 

"Colonel? What happened to Major Carter?"

"I'm not real sure myself, Sir." 

Daniel stepped forward. "About an hour after we embarked, a group came through the Gate. There was a little girl with them and Major Carter just started yelling at them to let her go, that she was in mortal danger." O'Neill's eyes followed Sam's now unconscious form as it was wheeled out the door headed for the infirmary. He made to follow but the General placed a restraining hand on his arm. He turned confused eyes back to him. 

"The group?" Hammond asked.

"Don't know, Sir."

"The child appeared human, General Hammond, but her attendants were of no species we have previously encountered," offered Teal'c

"And the girl Colonel?" 

Jack shrugged. "I'm sure none of us has ever seen her before. What I can't understand is Carter's reaction to her as a prisoner when the kid was obviously their leader."

-*-*-*-*-

"Comatose?!? How the hell can she be comatose?" Jack demanded when Janet delivered her medical report on Sam to the group. 

"From what you've told me, Colonel, I can only attribute it to her extreme emotional state coupled with travelling through the Gate."

"But how is that possible?" 

"I'm not sure. As you know, Dr Mackenzie and I have been studying the physical and psychological effects of Gate travel. There's been evidence suggestive of a slow deterioration over a period of time but this has been too sudden for that. All I can say is that when the body closes itself down like this it's usually because of severe physical or mental trauma. Although she was very likely fatigued, Sam bears no physical injuries so I believe it had something to do with why she became so emotional. Is there anything else you can tell me?"

Jack turned away with a groan. "I don't know..."

-*-*-*-*-

"I'm sorry that we're meeting again under such terrible circumstances Jacob," greeted Hammond when Sam's father stepped through the gate. Jacob shook the offered hand and immediately asked to see his daughter. 

"Of course. Come with me."

"Mental trauma, my little girl?" Jacob asked Janet

incredulously minutes later when he stepped into the

infirmary. The doctor nodded. 

"I'm sorry, but there doesn't appear to be much else we can attribute this to. She has no obvious physical injuries, but some of her tox workup is a bit puzzling. Above average levels of acetylcholine which increases alertness and enhances memory, and quite high levels of norephinephrine and epinephrine which have been associated with physiological expressions of fear and anxiety. It's possible that these triggered the initial outburst but the levels aren't so high as to cause coma. In fact I don't see how that would be possible at all, if anything it would be the opposite. I'm afraid we just don't know."

Jack stood from his position by Sam's bed where he had kept vigil for the past five and a half hours, when Jacob approached. 

"Can you tell me exactly what happened Colonel?" Jack briefly recited the account for the man. 

"This girl...what did she look like? You said Sam called her something. By name?"

"Quite petite, probably around 3"4', fair skin, auburn hair to the waist... I'm not sure of the name, Lauren, Laurel...?"

"Laurie?" Jacob asked suddenly.

"Possibly, why?"

Jacob's brow was furrowed in concentration as he tried to recollect. "When Sam was about five we often put her and Mark into the hands of a babysitter. I can't recall the lady's name at present but she took care of several children, often taking them on outings such as to the park. A little girl named Laurie Otega was in the group, she was the daughter of a particularly well-off couple who had little time for her. 

One day the girl was grabbed from the sandbox where she and Sam were playing in the park. She was held at ransom but was eventually killed by her captors when the family kept stalling for more time. Sam witnessed the kidnapping first-hand. 

She became very withdrawn after that but at the time we thought she was coping well enough without counselling. We moved around a lot when she was still a kid due to my position in the military and I guess that didn't help her any, not having that constant in her life. After about twenty months she suddenly became the Sam we knew before the kidnapping, bright and bubbly and an enormous will to devote to learning. Irrational as it may seem I know she blamed herself for Laurie's, uh ... That little girl that you described to me sounds like a carbon copy of Laurie Otega. 

I can't help but see that this is probably what triggered her outburst. She's been bottling and repressing her memories and emotions of that incident for years. My guess is that seeing that little girl opened the flood gates."

"Jesus..." Jack's breathing was shaky. "Could she really have repressed them that much that such an innocent sighting would trigger an attack?"

"If that's the case then I'm afraid we can do nothing more than wait and see if she pulls herself out of this," said Janet sorrowfully.

-*-*-*-*-

"Jack?" An annoying jab in his shoulder woke him from a restless slumber. He swatted the hand away but it kept on jabbing him.

"Jack?"

"Mmm, what? I'm awake, I'm awake." He sat up with a grumble and ran his hand over his eyes and blinked, trying to adjust to the light that had been turned on in his base quarters. 

"What's up, Daniel? Is it Carter? Is she awake?" Jack jumped quickly to his feet and headed for the door.

"No, Jack, Sam's still…uh…uh, asleep. It's Jacob, he wants to see you."

"Why?" Jack asked, frowning.

"Don't know. He's in the briefing room with the General."

-*-*-*-*-

"Colonel." Jacob stepped forward and shook Jack's hand. "I just wanted to thank you again for helping Sam."

"Yes, Sir. I'm sorry I couldn't do more."

"You did what you could and from what they tell me it's up to her now. Colonel, I have to return to the Tok'ra for a short while, not by choice mind you, but I must. Before I left I wanted to ask a favour of you."

"Yes, Sir?"

"Doctor Fraiser tells me that talking from friends and family may help bring her out of this and, well, Sam speaks very highly of you and SG-1. I was hoping that as I can not be here, you would be able to take my place at her bedside."

"Wild horses, Sir."

"Thank you. I'm hoping that maybe you will accomplish what I haven't been able to." Jacob Carter's eyes were full of guilt and remorse. "And I also ask, from all of you, that you not mention this to her brother Mark just yet."

"We understand, Jake." Hammond nodded his assurance. 

Daniel stood watching quietly from across the room. As Jacob and the General left for the embarkation room he saw several emotions flicker across Jack's face. He suspected it was killing him not being at Sam's side before now, but he also understood that Jack was not only trying to portray his all-together military detachment but he also hadn't wanted to intrude on Jacob's time with his daughter. A second later he realised that Jack had already gone.

~~~~~~

PART 3

~~~~~~

Jack caught his breath as he walked into the infirmary to see Sam's inert body hooked up to numerous IV's , wires and goodness knows what else. 

"Jesus, Doc. What the hell's all this?" he asked as Janet walked in behind him.

"I'm afraid it's necessary, if that's what you mean. There's nothing here that I haven't explained to you before, Colonel, it just looks a lot more daunting than what it is." Her voice lowered almost reverently. "At about two-thirty this morning she stopped breathing, but we got her back and she's in a stable condition." 

"Why the hell didn't somebody tell me?"

"You needed your rest and she's fine now."

"Bullshit. If anything happens, and I mean if she so much as blinks, I want to know about it. I don't care what time of the god-damned night it is, understand?"

"Colonel--"

"Any time!"

"Alright." Janet threw up her hands in defeat. "Talk to her, let her hear your voice." She read the transducer monitor and noted down Sam's vitals on her chart, and with a sympathetic smile left the Colonel alone with his 2IC.

Jack sat hesitantly on the chair next to Carter's bed. Picking up a small vase of flowers from her bedside table that Danny had thoughtfully provided, he fiddled with the blooms, rearranging them with fumbling fingers, unsure of what he should say. 

"I thought Danny was allergic to these things. I can just imagine him sneezing his way in here with these for you. It's gotta make you laugh, Major." He raised his eyes to her face taking in the pale skin. She seemed so lifeless. He drew in a shaky breath.

"God, Sam, if I only knew what the hell happened. I need you to wake up and tell me. Abuse me for holding you back, explain to me the technology of the Gate in all your techno-babble…anything…" He returned the vase and gently picked up her hand, careful not to dislodge the IV, and was surprised that it felt so warm when she looked so cold. Sighing he twined his fingers with her own.

-*-*-*-*-

"Colonel?" 

"Wh..what?" Jack bolted upright and blinked his eyes, disoriented for a moment. "Doc? I must've fallen asleep, is she okay?" He flicked his eyes back to Sam's face but there seemed to be no change.

"There's no change in her condition, Colonel. I'm sorry to wake you but General Hammond's on his way down."

Jack stood up, rubbing a hand over his eyes, realising for the first time how exhausting just sitting there could be. At the sound of footsteps he turned to see General Hammond enter the room.

"Yes, Sir?"

"Jack, Doctor Fraiser has told me she found a puncture mark on Major Carter's leg. She believes that something may have been administered which may be relevant as to the cause of the coma."

"Puncture mark? You mean she was injected with something?"

"That's what it looks like, Colonel. Now, if we had a sample of whatever it was, it might give us some insight on how to treat her. This coma hasn't been caused by anything that the textbooks say, it's the only thing I can think of."

"So saying, I'm sending you and the rest of SG-1 back to the planet to look for whatever might have caused this."

"Doc, couldn't it have been something that you maybe gave her before?"

"The wound is quite recent and the placement of it makes it unlikely that it was a standard injection."

Jack turned to gaze back down at Sam, uneasy at leaving her bedside but knowing that it had to be done. 

"You gonna sit with her, Doc?" Janet nodded her head.

"Then let's get moving."

-*-*-*-*-

"Jack, we've looked everywhere, we've found nothing that could've done what Janet suggested." 

Jack glared mutinously at Daniel and then shook his head. "For cryin' out loud it's here somewhere. Let's just work our way through it. We came through the Gate--"

"I believe that Doctor Carter tripped as she stepped from the Gate, O'Neill. Perhaps the object has caused her injury," Teal'c suggested.

"She tripped? Where?"

"As she emerged from the wormhole."

Jack jogged up to the Gate platform and bent down, running his hands over the weathered stone. 

"There's nothing here - woah! What the hell?" He fell backwards as something sprang up in front of him.

"Jack?"

"Daniel, get over here and bring that specimen container." Extracting his aircrew knife Jack prodded a thin, vine-like plant, that had sprung from between the stones and startled him.

"What is it?" asked Daniel sitting the container beside him.

"Carter's cure... Hopefully." Jack sliced the plant in two and recoiled again as tiny barb arrows flew towards him.

"Well, if that's anything to go by then we've definitely found what caused her coma."

"Yeah. Watch it, Daniel." Using his knife Jack scraped the fallen plant along the ground and into the container and then quickly secured the lid. "Dial us up, Teal'c, we're going home."

~~~~~~

PART 4

~~~~~~

"It appears the barbs are a self-defense mechanism triggered upon movement. They were coated in a toxin that we haven't been able to identify. I'm sorry, but I'm not willing to try anything but conventional treatment on her until we know how this toxin actually works. If I start her on the wrong thing...I just have no way of knowing what will happen with the toxin still in her system. It could make her worse." Janet bowed her head apologetically and Daniel placed a hand on her shoulder comfortingly. 

"We tried. It's up to her now." Janet smiled her thanks and left for her office and Daniel turned to Jack who was seated at Sam's bedside where he'd been since they came back from Vega over thirty hours ago.

"Jack-"

"I'm fine."

"You need sleep."

"I said I'm fine."

Daniel sighed and shook his head in resignation. Jack obviously wasn't going to budge.

-*-*-*-*-

"What? There's not a chance in hell!"

"It's been nearly a month, Colonel."

"She'll come out of it! Jesus, you'll kill her!" Jack ran a hand through his hair as he paced the briefing room.

"It needs to be done. We need to know if she can breathe on her own. If something happens we can put her back on, but it's my opinion that if she can't sustain her own breathing by now then she's not likely to."

Hammond sat back in his seat his eyes following Jack's pacing. "Doctor, have you made any progress on combating the toxin?" 

"There's still traces of it in her system but so far we haven't found anything that reduces its effects." Janet ran a hand over her eyes tiredly. "I've tried everything I can think of and still nothing works. I don't…" her voice choked off as she tried to block the tears that threatened to fall. For Gods sake Sam was her friend too. She didn't want to do this any more than the rest of them did but she knew she had no choice. She took a few moments to regain her composure before continuing.

"The decision should be Jacob Carter's but as he has given you all authorisation for her treatment in his absence, forced to return to the Tok'ra, I leave it up to you, General."

Hammond watched Jack, aware of the torment that the man was feeling. "Two days. We'll give her two more days and if she doesn't come out of it then I'll authorise you to do what you're suggesting." Jack

slammed his fist down on the conference table, making everyone in the room jump. 

"You aren't pulling the plug on her, Doc." 

"Colonel, we're all suffering for Major Carter but if it must be done then it must be done. I've given her another two days, son." Jack just scowled and stomped out of the room.

-*-*-*-*-

"Sam, if you stay asleep you're going to keep missing all the attention you're getting. Danny's been in here twice in the past hour and Teal'c and the General just left." Jack's attempt at humour was falling flat in the wake of his frustration. He was a man that always needed to be doing something. Action. It kept him from going nuts, but this...he was surprised that he had positioned himself here for so long. It had been nearly a two and a half weeks since Jacob had left, due to return this evening, and Jack had sat there for most of that time. The General seemed to understand why he wasn't getting any work done and if Daniel hadn't literally forced him from the room to eat and sleep he would never have moved. It had given him ample time to consider what his life would be like if Sam was not around. For the hundredth time that day the frustration welled up in him like a geyser.

"God-damn-it Carter, I'm not gonna tell you I love you while you're in this state. I want you up and awake with all your faculties, do you hear me? I could order you to wake up!" He raised a hand to stroke his fingers lightly across her cheek. "I want you cuddled up beside me next to a roaring fire on a cold winter's night, I want you under me with your eyes wide so I can see what you're feeling as I make love to you. And you damn well better be thinking the same because I'm not giving that up so easily."

From in the hallway Daniel stood with his back to the wall feeling only mildly guilty for eavesdropping on Jack's demands and declarations of love. He'd come to see Sam and maybe relieve Jack for a few hours but it was obvious that his intrusion would not be welcome. Janet came up behind him and as she made to speak he gestured for her to be quiet. 

She frowned as Daniel pointed to the doorway of Sam's room as if that would explain everything. Moving closer she listened for only a moment before turning wide eyed to Daniel in surprise. He nodded with a wry smile on his face before taking her by the elbow and steering them back to her office. Janet slumped in her chair and shook her head disapprovingly.

"You don't seem too pleased by this development," said Daniel. 

"I'm not."

"Why?"

"Why? Daniel you seem to forget that this is the military, there are specific prohibitions on the formation of personal relationships-"

"Regulations? Sam's in a coma, he's pouring out his heart to her and all you think of is the regulations?"

"It's a court-martialable offence!"

"They've done nothing to warrant a court martial! Is it really so bad?"

"Daniel, you don't know what you're talking about. This could ruin their careers if anyone ever found out. The kind of work they do, you do, requires absolute confidence in command and an unhesitating adherence to orders. You don't think it would be an uncomfortable situation?"

"No, because I'd trust them to keep it professional. You won't say anything about this, Janet," he warned.

"And why not?"

"Because it'd be a selfish act. You don't know if Sam feels the same way, although I'd pretty much guarantee that she does. Look, I had my one chance and it got taken from me before I had a chance to really appreciate it. I don't want the same for them…and I don't believe you do either. Just give it a chance and let them make their own mistakes."

-*-*-*-*-

Fatigue seeped through Jack from the day's inaction and he laid his head down on his arms on the edge of Sam's bed. The two day deadline that Hammond had issued before they took her off the ventilation equipment was nearly here and he'd been stressing over it so much that he'd denied himself sleep. If this was gonna be his last chance to see her alive then he was going to be awake and watching the whole time. 

Finally his body was making the decision for him and he was just lapsing into sleep when he thought he felt a tiny movement brushing against his hand. His head shot up and he looked up at Sam's face to see her eyes fluttering and then opening a fraction. Her mouth struggled against the ventilator tube as she tried to give him a weak smile.

"Sam?...Sam!" He literally lunged for the buzzer to summon Janet, and the Doctor ran into the room with Daniel on her heels and pushed Jack out of the way.

"Sam, can you hear me?" Sam nodded slightly as Janet checked all her vitals. "Sam, I'm going to pull out the endotracheal tube, just try and relax your throat, okay?" Sam nodded again to show she understood. 

"Doc?" asked Jack as he heard Sam cough and gag after bringing up the tube.

"It's okay, Colonel, she's fine. Sam, don't try to talk just yet, your throat's going to be sore. I'll get you something for it." She smiled widely. "It's good to have you back."

~~~~~~

PART 5

~~~~~~

"Colonel!" Sam went to stand as he approached her but he motioned for her to retake her seat, and sat next to her on the bed.

"How you feeling?" he asked.

"Better." She fidgeted with her fingers in her lap for a moment. "Uh, Dad told me that you...I mean, what you did, so...thank-you." 

He gave her a crooked smile. "Just doing my duty."

"Well, I wanted, I just...you helped. And I'm sorry about, you know--"

"Belting me?"

A nervous laugh escaped her lips. "Yeah."

"I think I can forgive you. Sam…?"

"Mmm?"

"I know what happened, but-"

"You want to know why?"

"If you're up to it."

Sam took a deep breath. "My father told you the story?" Jack shook his head yes. "I don't remember much any more, but I felt extremely responsible for Laurie's death at the time. It got to the stage where I was so depressed over it that I wouldn't speak for days at a time. One day nearly two years after the kidnapping when I was in the park with my babysitter I had an anxiety attack. I'm not sure if it was something I saw or something I thought that caused it, but it was so fierce that I blacked out. My babysitter found me passed out in the grass by the sandbox."

"Did your parents know?" Jack was shocked. He watched the emotions pass over Sam's face and she swallowed heavily, taking a moment to compose herself.

"The babysitter thought that if they found out then she would not only lose the profit from looking after me but also from others once the word got around. And seeing as there didn't appear to be any, uh…damage, she decided not to mention it."

"What about you? Mark?"

Sam shook her head. "Mark had tutoring after school that day and I was too scared at the time to mention it. In a round about sort of way it was actually a good thing. From then on I seemed to forget about Laurie, repressed the memory I suppose. No-one spoke of her so I was never reminded, and I felt like a normal kid again. I was enthusiastic about school again, I made new friends…"

"Jesus, Sam, your dad said you seemed to be coping fine without counselling. Why the hell didn't you say something?"

"I don't know. But something about that little girl on Vega reminded me of her and I...I just...I'm sorry."

"For what? Did Janet tell you about the plant we think you stepped on? How it made the chemicals in your body all whacked out?" 

Sam nodded. "I didn't realise at the time. I tripped coming out of the Stargate and I couldn't seem to see what I'd tripped over. Then when F.R.E.D. shocked me--"

"It triggered the chemical reaction to an extreme." 

"Yes, Sir." Sam slid off the bed, suddenly restless. Jack reached out and grabbed her as she moved to pass him and she looked down at his long tanned fingers circling her wrist.

"You've got nothing to be ashamed about, Carter," he read her thoughts uncannily. "You've been through a hell of an ordeal and it's going to take time to come to terms with it."

"Thanks, Colonel. I--" she cut herself off abruptly and made to tug her wrist from his grasp.

"Carter?"

"I'd like to go now, if that's okay...Sir." 

Still holding onto her, Jack tilted her chin up with his hand. Her eyes were glistening with a tell-tale moisture and her mouth was pulled into a tight line. Then, betraying every principal the military had drummed into him, he pulled her to him and wrapped his arms tightly around her. She was surprised at first but her tears finally gave way and they trickled down her cheeks as she buried her face against his shirt. He held onto her as she cried for Laurie for the first time.

-*-*-*-*-

Minutes passed before Sam realised that she was still in the Colonel's arms weeping her eyes out, and she felt incredibly embarrassed. She wiped her eyes with her hand and sniffed. 

"I'm sorry, Colonel. I didn't mean to cry all over you." She tried to pull away but his arms held her firm against him.

"It's okay." He brought a hand up to cup her cheek, rubbing his thumb back and forth across her soft skin. His gaze fixated on her mouth and she swallowed nervously, her own gaze inexplicably drawn to his.

"Colonel?"

"Sam..." Knowing that this couldn't be the right time or place Jack threw caution to the wind and took her mouth in a light kiss, hoping that she wouldn't draw back and hit him one for it. Her eyes fluttered closed and she sighed against his lips. He flicked his tongue lightly against her lips and they opened slightly allowing him to deepen the kiss. She slid her hands up his chest and over his shoulders, winding around his neck tightly.

Minutes passed before they pulled apart, breathless. Jack held her gaze and gave her a twisted grin. 

"I'm sorry, this isn't the time or the place, and you're not feeling the best." Understatement of the year, he thought. She's been through one of the most traumatic experiences of her life and you act like she's just getting over the flu. He mentally kicked himself.

"Maybe, but thank-you," Sam whispered. Drawing a shaky breath she seemed as if she was about to say something that she wasn't sure how to phrase. Jack waited for her to find the words, and when they did she shocked the hell out of him.

"I heard you."

"What do you mean?"

"When I was...asleep...I heard you say you..." Jack paled as she trailed off. She couldn't have heard him say he loved her...could she? How the hell was he going to explain that away? The heat of the moment coupled with the pressure of her almost dying?

"Did you mean it?" she asked. He didn't pretend to not know what she was talking about.

"Sam, I..." She pulled out of his arms and stepped back, her face flushed. She felt so embarrassed. Maybe she really had only dreamt it.

"Uh, I thought you said...but I probably only dreamt it. I mean, I didn't really expect you to--"

"I did say it, and I meant it. But if you--"

"You meant it?"

Jack shifted on his feet, restlessly. What did he think he was doing? Did he really expect her to say she reciprocated his feelings? He should just tell her it was all in her head, that it was probably due to her condition.

"Of course I meant it." Mentally kicking himself he averted his gaze and looked at the floor. He waited for her to say something but she remained quiet. 

When, after almost a minute of silence, he raised his head he was stunned to see her eyes wide and shining with tears. Oh God, now he'd made her cry, and what if she had another breakdown because of him and-- 

She launched herself into his arms and hugged him tightly as if she'd never let him go. He could feel the tears running freely now as she pressed her cheek against his neck so he wound his arms around her hoping it would comfort. Then all of a sudden her mouth was on his taking his breath away with a burning kiss. Every nerve ending in his body rushed again to awareness. He wanted her so badly that he could easily take her right here and not care about the consequences. He eased his lips from hers, searching for the tiniest bit of common sense and she in turn brought a hand up to his cheek.

"I've wanted for so long, Jack..." He drew a sharp ragged breath, daring to hope. "I love you too. Please tell me I'm not making a fool of myself here."

"You love me?" he asked incredulously, and she nodded, a hesitant smile lighting up her face. He pulled her into another hug. "Oh God, Sam. I love you."

-*-*-*-*-

Daniel stood outside with a grin that almost split his face in two. Turning to see Janet standing behind him he reached for her hand. He came so close to her that she could feel his breath on her face. "You won't tell?"

She swallowed past the lump that suddenly formed in her throat. She tried to ignore the quickening pulse his close proximity was generating.

"No. They should make their own mistakes."

"Or successes."

"Or successes," she acknowledged, and he smiled down at her. She held her breath as his head lowered to her own. Her eyes fluttered shut only to open again in surprise as she felt his mouth skim across the soft skin of her cheek like a butterfly caress. She watched wordlessly as he sauntered off down the hall.

**The End**

(Thanks for reading)


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